he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
