She announced her abortion via fbk
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
