I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
