8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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