I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
