I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
