That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
