There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
