grandma shit on top of the toilet
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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