Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
her facebook's as public as her vagina
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
