some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
