Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
he high fived his dick after we had sex
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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