Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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