I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
