My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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