They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
