I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Randomize
