If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
