Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
