On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
