i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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