When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
is wine microwaveable?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
