distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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