she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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