I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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