i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
