Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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