I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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