I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
