that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Randomize
