Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
