I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
