Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I touched a dick in church today
Randomize
