i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
The uberlube is also flammable
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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