what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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