Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
