i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
