Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
