i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Randomize
