it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
