You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
