I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
