yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
