Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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