Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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