dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
