New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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