i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
