dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
