I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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