i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Randomize
