dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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