Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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